Life Alone – A Half Day Retreat at The Royal Foundation of St Katherine

Edward Hopper, Chair Car, 1965

It was a great pleasure to lead a contemplative retreat for members of the parishes of St Giles-in-the-Fields and St George’s Bloomsbury at The Royal Foundation of St Katherine on Saturday 16th December 2023. I provided two addresses based on the text of ‘Life Together’ by Dietrich Bonhoeffer and a short homily during Holy Communion, offering points for reflection during the periods of silence that characterised the day.  

Timetable
10.00am-10.30am : Coffee followed by Morning Prayer
11.00am : First Address (text below)
12.00pm : Eucharist in the Chapel with short reflection (text below)

1.00pm : Lunch

2.30pm : Second Address (text below)
3.30pm : Tea  



Morning Prayer

I concluded our brief morning prayer by reading the following text, which comes from Bonhoeffer’s ‘Prayers to Fellow Prisoners’. The prayers were inspired by his experience in prison in December 1943. It was through prayer that Bonhoeffer overcame what he described later as the ‘ghastly experiences’ including thoughts of suicide during his first few weeks in captivity:

O God, early in the morning I cry to you.

Help me to pray

And to concentrate my thoughts on you;

I cannot do this alone.

In me there is darkness,

But with you there is light;

I am lonely, but you do not leave me;

I am feeble in heart, but with you there is help;

I am restless, but with you there is peace.

In me there is bitterness, but with you there is patience;

I do not understand your ways,

But you know the way for me….

Restore me to liberty,

And enable me to live now

That I may answer before you and before men.

Lord whatever this day may bring,

Your name be praised.

Amen

First Reflection : Life Alone

Welcome to this Advent Retreat. The main event of the day is silence! Quiet time for personal prayer and contemplation. But there will be a few words – the purpose of which will be to provide practical advice to help us to better reflect on The Word. The Living Word.

I will be offering a few brief reflections, based on a text called “Life Together” by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. A copy of the text as well as his biography and a few other books he wrote are on the table in the corner, you are welcome to borrow them. You will also find a sheet with some questions that may prompt reflection, together with some words from scripture, a poem by Bonhoeffer and some guidance on a prayer practice that many people call ‘centering prayer’. It’s a practice which Bonhoeffer recommends in his book. Before we turn to explore that, a few words by way of introduction to Bonhoeffer and his book.

A sentence from scripture:

“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity”

The first verse of Psalm 133, which Dietrich Bonhoeffer uses to open his short book ‘Life Together’.

 

The book is the outworking of Bonhoeffer’s belief that the Christian faith can only be lived in community with other Christians. And that Christian life together can only be experienced in and through the Word of Jesus Christ.

The text was written after Bonhoeffer had spent three years as head of a seminary, training candidates for ordination in what was called The Confessing Church. Branded illegal by the Nazi regime, its members resisted Hitler’s attempts to control the church and recast its doctrine; that salvation was no longer in Jesus Christ alone, but in the Fuehrer and the resurrection of the German people as the master race. Ideas which most of the German church seemed to go along with at the time. Bonhoeffer and his brothers and sisters in the Confessing Church were horrified.

It is helpful to know something of the context in which Bonhoeffer wrote Life Together. But its central message – calling for the formation of Christian communities based on divine rather than human love - rings out across all ages. It confronts us with challenging questions about our relationship with Christ and with each other in the church today. About what we are doing here and why.

Perhaps it is helpful to try to summarise briefly what Bonhoeffer says about the difference between divine and human love.

A community based on human love, Bonhoeffer explained, may look like a Church. Its members may have a strong desire for togetherness, for belonging and it may be doing things with the best of intentions. Human love for one’s neighbour, Bonhoeffer explained, can far outpass divine love in its visible results. But human love is motivated by desire, not service. It desires the other person – it does not truly serve them. In such communities it is only the human – and not the divine – which is operative. Without Christ at the centre it is human power and influence that dominates the rest.

Communities based on human love do not truly serve others – even if they appear to be doing so. Because truly serving another requires a relationship founded in freedom not control. We cannot serve another unless we respect the freedom that God has given them to be the person He intends. Divine love is about embracing that freedom.

Bonhoeffer explains that God’s word became flesh and dwelt among us in order to win our hearts by his love. The incarnation was the beginning of our instruction of divine love.

 

The true Christian community places that Word - Christ - at the centre of all relationships. We can only truly know God, ourselves – and each other – through Christ.

Because it is only through the salvation – the freedom – that he brings, that we can encounter that authentic self – the person that God made each of us to be. Knowledge of another without Christ is not true knowledge at all, but an imposition of human power – one person’s will upon another. An attempt by us to play God – to make the other person fit into our mould, our image of them.


Bonhoeffer once said that he had no novel thoughts of his own. That his wisdom was drawn from our great tradition of faith.

 

Bonhoeffers reflections on the centrality of Christ remind me of a saying of Abba Dorotheos of Gaza – one of the Desert Fathers. Speaking about Christian communities he asks us to imagine a wheel. A bit like the Katherine wheel – the logo of the retreat centre on our pads of paper. Imagine Christ at the centre and we are on the spokes. Each one of us on a different spoke. Abba Dorotheos said as we come closer to each other, we come closer to Christ – and as we come closer to Christ we come closer to each other. We can only truly know unity – life together – by encountering each other through Christ.  We can encounter others along the edge of the wheel (so have human relationships with others without Christ) but we can only be together - in union with each other – through Him.

[During the discussion after the address, someone said that as the wheel of life turns, we are driven, by centrifugal force, towards the edge of it. It means it is hard work to know others through Christ! A thoughtful and astute observation].

God wants to teach us to meet one another as he has met us in Christ. To help us journey to the centre of the wheel.

“Without Christ there is discord between God and man and between man and man. Christ became the Mediator and made peace with God and among men. Without Christ we should not Know God and could not call upon him, nor come to him. But without Christ we would also not know our brother [or sister], nor could we come to [them]…..now Christians can live with one another in peace; they can love and serve one another; they can become one. But they can continue to do so only by way of Jesus Christ.”

Here Bonhoeffer alludes to perhaps the key difference between human love and divine love. Human love can never love an enemy. In that sense all human communities are unattainable ideals. But the true Christian community, thanks to the incarnation of Christ, is a divine reality.

Bonhoeffer describes the encounter between two people who meet each other in and through Christ as “an occasion for joy”.
 

“The prisoner, the sick person, the Christian in exile sees in the companionship of a fellow Christian a physical sign of the gracious presence of the triune God.”

“Visitor and visited in loneliness recognise in each other the Christ who is present in the body; they receive and meet each other as one meets the Lord, in reverence, humility and joy……But this unspeakable gift is so often trodden underfoot.”

Do we see Christ when we look at each other? Do we take for granted the joy of meeting together as Christians?

Whilst there is great joy in meeting other Christians, Bonhoeffer is a realist – and understands that most will be living as Christians in a non-Christian world or they may be physically alone (he was held prisoner for nearly two years before he was killed – and it was while in prison that he put much of his thinking in Life Together into practice for himself).

 

Bonhoeffer explains that being alone is an important part of being a member of a Christian Community. He is extremely wary of those who are afraid of being alone.

The Christian community is not a spiritual sanitorium, Bonhoeffer explains. The one who is coming to fellowship because they are running away from themselves does not want community at all – but only a distraction which will allow them to forget their loneliness for a brief time.

While at times in our lives we may be physically alone, Christians are never truly alone. Christ is with us, even in death.

For Bonhoeffer, times of solitude are vital – a counterbalance to our time of togetherness. Just as silence is a vital counterbalance to the word. A time to allow the Word to dwell in us. To work in us. In our solitude we can continue to learn how to meet each other as God has met us in Christ.

In Chapter Three of Life Together Bonhoeffer describes three sequential practices of prayer that can be undertaken in times when we find ourselves alone – practices that seek to train us to meet one another as God has met us in Christ. Meditation on the scriptures, private prayer and intercession. Just as Mary pondered the words of the shepherds in her heart.

 

In our times of solitude, Bonhoeffer acknowledges that many of us won’t be able to keep long passages of scripture in our heads. So meditating on the scriptures might involve focussing just on one word.

He writes:

 

“In our meditation, we ponder [our] chosen text on the strength of the promise that it has something utterly personal to say to us for this day and for our Christian life, that it is not only God’s Word for the Church but also God’s word for us individually. We expose ourselves to the specific word until it addresses us personally.”

 

“It is not necessary that we should discover new ideas in our meditation. Often this only diverts us and feeds our vanity. It is sufficient if the Word, as we read and understand it, penetrates and dwells within us. As Mary ‘pondered in her heart’ the things that were told by the shepherds.”

This meditation on the scriptures, Bonhoeffer suggests, will lead to prayer. A prayer for our personal situation, daily tasks, decisions and temptations. This prayer Bonhoeffer hopes, will lead to private intercessions. The more definite intercession is- the more promising it is. Prayers for the people committed to our care. Our close circle of friends and family. But also those with whom we are in conflict.

 

Intercession, Bonhoeffer explains, means no more than to bring our brother or sister into the presence of God, to see them under the Cross of Jesus as we are. A sinner in need of grace. Then everything in them that repels us falls away.

 

Through this practice of meditation, prayer and intercession, the Word penetrates and dwells within us, operating in us so that we shall not get away from it the whole day long.

 

It is through this practice of prayer that we learn to meet one another, as God has met us in Christ.

 

I invite you over the next hour or two to have a go. The prompts on the sheet may be helpful. Feel free to speak to Fr David or me at any time during the day if you wish.

 

 

Handout

Luke 2.8-20

In that region there were shepherds living in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. Then an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid; for see—I am bringing you good news of great joy for all the people: to you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, who is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a child wrapped in bands of cloth and lying in a manger.’ And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God and saying,
‘Glory to God in the highest heaven,
   and on earth peace among those whom he favours!’

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, ‘Let us go now to Bethlehem and see this thing that has taken place, which the Lord has made known to us.’ So they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the child lying in the manger. When they saw this, they made known what had been told them about this child; and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds told them. But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them.

Meditating on the Word

“It is not necessary that we should get through the entire passage in one meditation. Often we shall have to stop with one sentence or even one word, because we have been gripped and arrested and cannot evade it any longer. Is not the word ‘Father’, or ‘love’, ‘mercy’, ‘cross’, ‘sanctification’, ‘resurrection’ often enough to fill far more than the brief period we have at our disposal?

It is not necessary, therefore, that we should be concerned in our meditation to express our thought and prayer in words. Unphrased thought and prayer, which issues only from our hearing, may often be more beneficial.” (Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together, Chapter 3)

Centering Prayer

1.    Choose a sacred word as the symbol of your intention to consent to God’s presence and action within

2.    Sitting comfortably with eyes closed, settle briefly and silently and introduce the sacred word as the symbol of your consent to God’s present and action within.

3.    When you become aware of thoughts, return ever so gently to the sacred word.

4.    At the end of the prayer period, remain in silence with eyes closed for a couple of minutes.

Who Am I?

Who am I? They often tell me
I would step from my cell’s confinement 
calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
like a squire from his country-house.

Who am I? They often tell me
I would talk to my warders
freely and friendly and clearly,
as though it were mine to command.

Who am I? They also tell me
I would bear the days of misfortune
equably, smilingly, proudly,
like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I know of myself,
restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat,
yearning for colours, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
thirsting for words of kindness, for neighbourliness,
trembling with anger at despotism and petty humiliation,
tossing in expectation of great events,
powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making, 
faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?

Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today, and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
and before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
fleeing in disorder from a victory already achieved?

Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, thou knowest, O God, I am thine.

Taken from Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Letters & Papers from Prison

 

Some questions for reflection

Why have we been drawn together? What holds us together as a Christian community?

What does it mean that we can only know God and each other through Christ?

Do we approach living a Christian life as an unattainable ideal or a divine reality?

Are the communities we are part of held together by human love or divine love?

Are we aware of the presence of Christ and his grace when we meet with one another?

Do we take for granted the joy of meeting together as Christians?

How might fear of being alone be a problem for a Christian community?

What does Bonhoeffer mean by meditation and how do we begin?

How does meditation, prayer and intercession help us to meet one another as God has met us in Christ?

  

Reflection during Holy Communion

This morning we discovered how Bonhoeffer explains how we can meet Christ through the living Word of scripture, in prayer and meditation. We learnt how these practices are particularly useful to help sustain members of a Christian community at times when we find ourselves alone.

In Chapter Two of “Life Together” Bonhoeffer offers his thoughts on how we meet Christ in the Eucharist.

As you might guess, he roots his reflection in the Word.

The scriptures, he says, describe three types of table fellowship. First, they describe Jesus eating in the company of others - in people’s homes and at parties. What Bonhoeffer calls ‘daily table fellowship’. Secondly, the scriptures reveal to us the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper. Thirdly, they point us to the banquet that awaits in the heavenly kingdom.

Each of these meals, Bonhoeffer explains, is connected. Every meal we share on earth draws us closer together to that eternal banquet.

Each of these meals, Bonhoeffer explains, reveals to us something about the nature of our Saviour.

Each of these meals, Bonhoeffer explains, reveals to us something about our Christian life together.


In his book Life Together, Bonhoeffer roots profound truths about our faith in our every-day life experience. He begins his exploration of meeting Christ in the Eucharist by describing how we encounter him in our daily table fellowship. Every meal we sit down to share. Times, he explains, which we might think of as God calling us away from our daily work, to keep a holiday in the midst of the day. What a wonderful way to think of every mealtime. Just as meeting one another is an ‘occasion for joy’, so too is this coming together to break and share bread. Here we encounter the Lord as creator and giver of gifts.

In the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper we meet Christ not just as the giver of gifts, but as the gift itself. The true bread of life.

In both our daily table fellowship and at the Lord’s Supper, Christ is present as a guest at the table. Here we recognise the one calling us to the banquet in the heavenly Kingdom.

As well as helping us to see Christ, table fellowship helps us to see ourselves – members of a Christian community – more clearly.

The daily bread which we pray for earnestly in the prayer that Jesus taught us is “our” daily bread. It binds us together, spiritually and physically. Table fellowship points us towards the divine reality of our unity. Though we are many, we are one body, because we all share in one bread.

 It also shows us that there’s an obligation which is inextricably linked to that unity. Recalling the gospel stories of the multiplication of loaves and fishes, Bonhoeffer remarks “not until one person desires to keep his own bread for himself does hunger ensue…” 

Finally, our table fellowship helps us to see that we are people of hope. By fulfilling our obligation towards each other in our life together on earth, we will one day share the eternal, ‘imperishable bread’ at the heavenly banquet, when our Life Together will continue in union with Christ.

Second Reflection : Life in Forgiveness

This reflection will be shorter than this morning – and more personal. In it I hope to illustrate how using the techniques that Bonhoeffer recommends can help us to learn how to live in a way in which we are able to offer and receive forgiveness. Something he says is essential in order for any form of authentic life together. 

Amongst members of my close family are those who have been afflicted by eating disorders, depression and extreme mood swings.

Growing up, in order to help to maintain relationships with those suffering from such conditions and for the benefit of my own – certainly not always optimum - mental health, I was offered what is now called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It was quite an innovation for the time!

The technique that has remained with me is a form of therapy that seeks to engender a non-judgemental attitude to life.  

In practice, this involves using breath control to enter into a meditative state. You start by focussing on the breath. Noticing the slightly colder air as you breath in through your nose and breath out from your mouth. As thoughts, sounds, sensations come into our head, we notice these – acknowledge them - but do not judge or react to them by allowing our mind to wander. Instead, we return to focussing on the breath.

The purpose was to learn a coping strategy to help deal with complex emotional situations. To keep focussed on the present moment, without getting caught up in trying to understand what triggered someone to behave in a particular way – or get wound up by trying to second guess how they might behave in the future.

At heart, this non-judgemental attitude to life sought to respect and protect my freedom. To prevent my emotional state from being determined - controlled - by someone else.

Why am I recounting this story? Because I think it chimes a lot with what Bonhoeffer is saying in Life Together. About how we live – love – and relate to one another.

The therapeutic technique I was taught as a young man is useful – but empty. It is individualistic. It was focussed on my wellbeing. A coping strategy, that’s all. It’s a bit like the example Bonhoeffer gave of a person motivated to join a community because they are terrified of being alone. The motivation is the self.

Absent of Christ, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can never truly help me come closer to another person, to truly understand them, nor does it attempt to do so.

The form of prayer recommended by Bonhoeffer – a deliberate and focussed meditation on a single word or short phrase from scripture which leads to prayer and intercession - is subtly but vitally different. Rather than focussing on our breath, our attention is drawn to the Word. The one through whom all our relationships have meaning.

Rooted in Christ, Bonhoeffer’s approach of meditative prayer draws us together, helps us to accept the freedom that God has given to each of us. The freedom to be the person who God made us to be. So much unnecessary pain is caused when we try to make other people fit into our image of them. To squeeze them into our mould. True joy – true unity – as Bonhoeffer wrote, is when we meet one another through Christ in Christian fellowship.

Some final thoughts in conclusion.

We can have relationships with other people based on human love, but we cannot truly come together in unity – in community – except through Christ. When we meet one another in this way it is an occasion for joy.

Christ’s birth among us was the ultimate occasion for joy and the beginning of our instruction in divine love. Divine love means accepting the freedom that God has given to each of us to be the person we were made to be. Human love – and communities based on human love – can only ever be about control.

We can continue our instruction in divine love through prayer that is rooted in the Word. Through which Christ is born in us. Through practices of meditative prayer in times of solitude we can learn how to live non-judgementally; to forgive ourselves and each other. Learning to live for “giveness” is vital if we are to accept the freedom of the salvation we have received in Christ and be made ready to meet others through him.