For our final piece of work on the retreat, Miriam asked me to review the week using two questions, in the form of The Examen.
Where was God present in the week?
That is a hard question to answer as I think God is present all the time! Perhaps I can say where I noticed God’s presence more during the week? Drawing imaginatively for the first time since school was a good experience - and something so have been putting off for a long time. I have often felt inspired to draw after seeing exhibitions or works of art on the internet. I had even bought pens and paper to sketch - but never seemed to make myself do it! The Spirit was at work this week!
Through the week I gradually learned to contemplate text not only from the point of view of an outsider, looking on from a distance, but also inhabiting the story and engaging with the characters in them on a personal level. Very valuable.
This use of all the senses made me think of the commandment - “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.” I certainly feel I have done that this week!
I think my imagined conversation between Jesus and Zacchaeus is definitely a conversation between Jesus and me!
Seeing an experienced Spiritual Director every day for half an hour, rather than more sporadically, was a big commitment but worth it. It definitely helped me with discipline in terms of both prayer times but also reflection and contemplation on those times or prayer. I managed to fit it into my week by changing my normal routine so instead of going to an early morning Eucharist before work, I would pray and reflect then. I am not sure if I would have progressed along a different path had I seen Miriam more infrequently, but the daily meetings certainly helped me to notice “progress” (if that’s the right word) along my journey.
I enjoyed opportunity to explore different creative approaches to prayer, using art, music, poetry and creative writing during the week - as well as different forms of prayer including centring prayer and lectio divina. Contemplation both after prayer and throughout the day helped me to see connections between the scripture and other passages I had read and my own life and relationships with other people at home and at work.
I still have doubts and questions about my faith and my own “calling” - just as I am not completely satisfied with my picture - but spending some time thinking about the texts from Isaiah and the stories of the Bleeding Woman and Zacchaeus have helped me know myself a bit better and in the process, feel closer to God.
What has not worked so well?
I found it difficult to get to a point where I felt I could inhabit the character of Zacchaeus to an extent where I could write or draw what I felt was an appropriate response. My instinct was that I needed to research a bit about his context and the place where he lived before putting pen to paper. I needed to empathise and understand the man a bit in order to inhabit the character. I think this comes from our approach to designing buildings at work - which is an entirely context-led approach. It takes some time to break out of such an engrained approach to creativity. Creating space to draw imaginatively was also a challenge. Very different to sketching a still life! What do you look at to inspire you - a candle, a blank wall, a garden? I am not sure I found the right space during the week - something to think about in the future!
Where next?
The week has been inspirational in so many ways. I am keen to find out more about the possibility of undertaking the Spiritual Exercises - although am not sure a whole month off work is possible in order to do them! I know there are are options to undertake the Exercises in stages over a period of several months, and I will look into that. I will also try to sketch (imaginatively) more and continue to try to write from a first person point of view as I found this helped me to more fully engage with scripture on a personal level.
I would like to thank Jen Powell and the Adult Learning Team at St Paul’s Cathedral, Miriam Rinsler and all the staff at the London Centre for Spirituality for an amazing week of new experiences.
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