Start:Stop - Role Conflict and Joseph's Dream

Joseph's Dream by Georges de la Tour (1628-1645)

You can listen to an audio recording of this reflection at this link.

Role conflict is a significant cause of stress. It can occur in the workplace when we face seemingly incompatible expectations - for example, conflicting deadlines set by different supervisors or clients. Role conflict may also arise when there is ambiguity or overlap between the different roles we fulfill; for instance, where a manager has to discipline members of a team who they consider to be their friends. 

It’s not just at work that we encounter role conflict, but within all areas of life - and particularly where different areas of our lives meet. This can often be the case at this time of year - returning home for family gatherings we may have a role as siblings and children as well as parents - all at the same time.

It isn't always a third party - another person - who places these pressures upon us; it is just as likely that role conflict arises from expectations we place on ourselves or from a desire to conform to overlapping societal and cultural “norms” - to have, for instance, a successful career and a happy family.

This week our gospel reading confronts us with multiple role conflicts. What can the example of Mary and Joseph teach us about the conflicting roles we embody in our lives? 

Bible Reading - Matthew 1.18-23

 

Now the birth of Jesus the Messiah took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been engaged to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. Her husband Joseph, being a righteous man and unwilling to expose her to public disgrace, planned to dismiss her quietly. But just when he had resolved to do this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, ‘Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for the child conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.’ All this took place to fulfil what had been spoken by the Lord through the prophet: 

‘Look, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son,o

   and they shall name him Emmanuel’,

which means, ‘God is with us.’

 

 

Reflection 

 

Our reading gives us a glimpse of the conflict Joseph faced between his role as Mary’s future husband and his life as a law abiding and righteous Jew. We are told that Joseph considers “dismissing” Mary - breaking off their engagement quietly - rather than have her exposed to “public disgrace” arising from accusations of having had relations with another man while betrothed.

 

It seems hard to imagine that Mary would not have considered the very same issue herself when the angel Gabriel appeared before her at the Annunciation. Joseph’s gut reaction of “no” to his continuing relationship with Mary makes her “yes” to God seem all the more amazing.

 

A great deal of teaching and symbolism in the church seems at best to downplay Mary’s ‘real’ life experience – her humanity. Her ‘yes’ to God often presented as inevitable, despite her bold questioning of the archangel.

 

This image of the subservient Mary conflicts with that of Mary as prophet, which we encounter in Luke’s Gospel - when she sings the Magnificat on visiting her cousin Elizabeth; words that have proven to be inspirational to the poor and the oppressed, especially in Latin America.

 

As both Mother of God and Blessed Virgin, Mary embodies what we might call extreme role conflict; the traditions and dogmas associated with which remain a source of difficulty and disagreement to this day across the church. For some, the humble handmaiden has been placed on a pedestal that is too high to reach; distancing her from the lives of ordinary people, especially women. At the most extreme, the ‘Virgin Mother’ is seen as a slur on motherhood itself.

 

Ann Loades, an academic theologian who died earlier this month and who wrote extensively about Mary, suggests that rather than dismiss one or other of these seemingly incompatible roles, we might focus on the reality that Mary embraces both. As Mother of God and Blessed Virgin, Mary is a symbol of the wholeness that we can all attain through the grace of God.

 

In our reading we notice that Joseph’s gut reaction of “no”; his instinct for separateness; was overcome - healed – by the “yes” of God’s grace. After the appearance of the angel in his dream, Joseph’s seemingly incompatible roles as both Mary’s fiancé and righteous and observant member of the Jewish community, seemed rather less incompatible after all.

 

Being open to the grace of God had changed his perspective – as it changes ours.

As we look at the lives of Mary and Joseph we see the transforming power of Gods grace at work. 

 

As we continue to be confronted by situations in which the different roles we fulfil in our lives overlap; as we face role conflict caused by seemingly incompatible expectations from ourselves, those around us, or from society at large; may we be strengthened by the example of Mary and Joseph. May we be reassured by the knowledge that it is not only possible to hold these seemingly divergent parts of our lives together – but that this is what God desires – and enables – through his grace.

A few moments of silence before we pray. 


Prayer

Gracious God,

help us to learn to hear your voice, especially at times when we are facing seemingly conflicting demands on our lives.

We hold before you in prayer all those who are struggling with role conflict,

those finding it difficult to balance work and home life;

For those battling with friction where different relationships converge.

Inspired by the example of the Blessed Virgin Mary and her husband, St Joseph, may we learn not to limit our understanding of ourselves and others by our different roles in life but to accept the wholeness of each person that you have created; to see your grace in the face of all.
In the name of your Son, our Saviour, Jesus Christ,

Amen.

 

Thank you for joining us for this week’s Start Stop reflection. We take a break now for Christmas but return on Tuesday 10th January. Our final service of the year at St Stephen Walbrook is this Thursday at 12.45pm. Have a Happy Christmas.


Image : Jacob's Dream, Georges de la Tour

A version of this reflection was given in September 2021. At this link.