Sermon-"I am what I am"

Douglas Hodge as Albin in the 2010 production of La Cage aux Folles (photo by Joan Marcus)

A sermon given at a service of Holy Communion (BCP) on Sunday 31st August 2025 at St Giles-in-the-Fields based on the text of 1 Corinthians 15.1-11 and Luke 18.9-14.

Please be seated. First, I have the privilege of publishing the banns of marriage between Joby and Andrew….Welcome to them - and a warm welcome again to you all, including those who have travelled here from afar, having attended the marriage of our churchwardens Catherine and Oliver here yesterday. 

It is thanks to a fictional wedding, as it happens, that we have this glorious song;

“I am what I am 
And what I am needs no excuses. 
I deal my own deck 
Sometimes the ace, sometimes the deuces,
It's one life and there's no return and no deposit.
One life so it's time to open up your closet
Life's not worth a damn till you can shout out:
I am what I am.”

In spite of my rather pitiful performance, what many may recognise as Gloria Gaynor’s classic disco anthem was written by Jerry Herman for the 1983 Broadway musical La Cage aux Folles, where it forms the showstopper at the end of the first act. The musical is based on a French farce of the same name. 

Performed by Albin - who, dressed as Zaza is the star of his partner George’s’ St Tropez drag club. Albin belts out his showstopper after he finds out about George’s’ plan to hide their gay identity from their son Jean-Michel’s soon-to-be-father-in-law, who happens to be an ultra conservative politician coming to dinner with his wife after the show. In between sets on stage at the club, Albin catches Georges and Jean-Michel removing anything remotely gay from their flat upstairs (which is basically everything) and in the process of which he discovers that even he is to be cast into the sin-bin; deemed too visibly and problematically gay to attend either the dinner that evening or the forthcoming wedding.

It is in the face of such judgement that Albin sings, “I am what I am” - not a cry of arrogance, but an anthem of pride and self-worth; a protest song against the shame of others. A song that was taken up by a wide range of artists from marginalized communities and rose to particular prominence as a gay anthem during the height of the AIDS crisis in the 1980’s. 

The lyricist Jerry Herman was inspired by a line in Harvey Fierstein’s original script, in which Albin says:

“I have spent the majority of my life fighting every rule in the book, battling every lesson I was taught, examining, analysing and reordering everything I was ever told just to find out who I am. I may not be anyone’s idea of what someone would be. But I am me. And I have worked too hard to find out who that is to throw it away now….” 

In Chapter 15 of his first letter to the Corinthians, St Paul offers not only a potted version of the gospel but also a personal account of his battle to come to terms with its life-changing consequences, apparently in the face of judgement from those in the church who were questioning the truth of Christ’s bodily resurrection. 

Paul responds to their doubt by combining theology with personal testimony.

First and foremost, he explains, the resurrection of Christ makes us who we are. And who we are needs no excuses. Christ died for our sins, he was buried and rose again on the third day, according to the scriptures. 

Paul goes on to list all the people who encountered the risen Christ, concluding with his own experience at the moment of his conversion. He describes himself as the “least of the apostles” because he “persecuted the church of God”.  “But”, he continues, “by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain.

Here, Paul’s cry of ‘I am what I am’ is a public confession acknowledging his own battles with all he was taught - and all he taught others as a zealous Pharisee. His own struggle to analyse and reorder everything he was ever told, on the journey to find out who he really is. He may not be everyone’s idea of a perfect apostle, he admits - he acknowledges his past and his guilt but he doesn’t let that define him. Nor does he seek to justify himself; to claim that the person he has become is the result of his own hard work. 

Instead, Paul locates his identity entirely in the transforming power of God’s grace, revealed through the life, death and resurrection of his Son. 

It is only through which, Paul says, and not by his own merits, that he has received the freedom to be the person God meant him to be. Free from sin and guilt. Free to choose which cards to play in life - sometimes the ace, sometimes the deuces. 

Paul’s confession, like Albin’s song, is a candid and intimate declaration of personal identity and self-worth - and the challenges and costs of our lifelong quest for meaning. Paul’s lyrics are clearer about acknowledging who created the deck of cards we have been given to deal in life. 

Just as Albin pushes back at the shame piled upon him by his family, here Paul is publicly defying those too ashamed to declare the Good News of the Risen Christ by offering his own body - all that he was and all he is becoming - as evidence; encouraging others in the church to boldly - and publicly - do the same.

“Life's not worth a damn till you can shout out:
I am what I am.”

In our gospel reading we are introduced to two men who have gone to the temple to pray. One is a religious leader - a Pharisee, someone respected by most people in the community; seen as devout and righteous. The other is a publican - or tax collector - despised as someone morally corrupt, a traitor to his people, collecting tax on behalf of the occupying forces. 

We listen in to their prayers.  The Pharisee’s prayer goes like this:

“God, I thank thee that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this Publican: I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.”

A prayer that begins as if one of gratitude - but soon turns into judgement; as the Pharisee compares himself to others he deems less righteous than himself. He defines who he is by what others are not - in a sort of spiritual one upmanship. 

Then we hear the publican, or tax-collectors prayer. He has distanced himself by standing apart from the others and is unable to raise his eyes to the heavens. But he beats his chest and cries out “God be merciful unto me, a sinner.”

And Jesus says it is this man, who without pretense, without comparing himself to others, stands before God,  his hands beating against his chest and declaring himself to be a sinner - it is this man who is justified - made right - in the sight of God. 

Why?   

Because he comes as he is. Acknowledging all he has done and not done. In the face of the shame and judgement heaped upon him by those around him - and doubtless a good dose of his own. He submits himself to God’s mercy.

The publican might not say these exact words, but his whole posture cries out

“I am what I am.” 

And God accepts him as he is. 

Yesterday, our two Churchwardens, Catherine and Oliver, stood here in the sight of God and in the presence of their family and friends, to make their marriage vows. In November, God willing, Joby and Andrew will do the same. 

Vows which remind us of that same Gospel truth. That life together - with each other and with God - is not about Pharisaic perfection but gracious presence. Being with each other for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. Standing before each other, in the sight of God, just as we are. Beloved, forgiven and free and learning to accept that God given love, forgiveness, and freedom in others which is the foundation of every Christian community. 

Albin, Paul, the unnamed Publican - were all faced with a choice when confronted with shame and judgement. To remain prisoners of its shade, or to step into the freedom that is the light and love of the Risen Christ. We are faced with the same choice. 

I’ve got a confession to make. Becoming a priest doesn’t suddenly make you a nice and holy person - as regular members of the congregation will be able to confirm!

But by the grace of God I will stand at that altar in a moment just as I am and during the liturgy I will read out what are called “comfortable” words. Com fort meaning “with strength.” These passages from scripture have been chosen to give strength to all of us who are carrying shame and guilt. All who are nervous about how we will fare in the face of judgement. These words give confidence to all - but perhaps especially those of us, like the tax collector, who have doubts about their own worthiness as recipients of Gods love. 

I hope they give you strength to stand up and join me there. To receive Holy Communion or a Blessing. 

That you may know truth of the Good News of our Risen Saviour – and learn to embody it as St Paul did. The truth that we don’t have to hide. We don’t have to perform. We don’t have to compare ourselves to one another. We just have to stand up before God say “I am what I am”.

In the knowledge that whatever we have done, whatever we have left undone, his mercy and grace - his eternal love - has set us free. 

And may we all go home justified.

Not because of what we are,
but because of who God is.

Amen.

Image: Douglas Hodge as Albin in the 2010 production of La Cage aux Folles (photo by Joan Marcus)