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| The Virgin Spanking The Christ Child - Max Ernst (1926) |
Role conflict is a significant cause of workplace stress. It can occur when we face seemingly incompatible expectations - for example, conflicting deadlines set by different supervisors or clients. Role conflict may also arise when there is ambiguity or overlap between the different roles we fulfill; for instance, where a manager has to discipline members of a team who they consider to be their friends.
It’s not just in the workplace that we face role conflict, but within all areas of life - and perhaps especially at the point at which the different areas of our lives meet. Nor is it always a third party - another person - who places these pressures upon us; it is just as likely that role conflict arises from expectations we place on ourselves or from a desire to conform to overlapping societal and cultural “norms” - for instance, to have a successful career and a happy family.
This week, the church remembers the birth of Mary, the mother of God; who is also the Blessed Virgin Mary - someone who embodies the ultimate role conflict.
What can the example of Mary teach us about the conflicting roles we embody?
The gospel reading set for the Nativity of the Mary is from the Gospel according to St Matthew, chapter one, beginning at verse eighteen.
Bible Reading - Matthew 1.18-23
Now the
birth of Jesus the Messiah took place in this way. When his mother Mary had
been engaged to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found to be
with child from the Holy Spirit. Her husband Joseph, being a righteous man and
unwilling to expose her to public disgrace, planned to dismiss her quietly. But
just when he had resolved to do this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a
dream and said, ‘Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your
wife, for the child conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a
son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their
sins.’ All this took place to fulfil what had been spoken by the Lord through
the prophet:
‘Look,
the virgin shall conceive and bear a son,
and
they shall name him Emmanuel’,
which
means, ‘God is with us.’
Reflection
Our reading
gives us a glimpse of the conflict Joseph faced between his role as Mary’s
future husband and his life as a law abiding and righteous Jew, in a society
where adultery was punishable by death. We are told that Joseph considers
“dismissing” Mary - breaking off their engagement quietly - rather than have
her exposed to “public disgrace” arising from accusations of having had relations
with another man while betrothed.
It seems
hard to imagine that Mary would not have considered the very same issue herself
when the angel Gabriel appeared before her at the Annunciation. Joseph’s gut
reaction of “no” to his continuing relationship with Mary makes her “yes”
to God seem all the more amazing; especially when we also recognise
the dangers - to both mother and child - of giving birth in those times.
But for
many, dwelling too much on realism when we are talking about the life of Mary seems
controversial - judging by the reaction to what we might call the more ‘human’ depictions
of her in art; Max Ernst’s painting of The Virgin spanking the Christ Child and
more recently Guy Reid’s sculpture of a naked Mary and her child at St
Matthew’s Westminster just two examples.
In fact, a great deal of teaching and symbolism seems at best to
downplay Mary’s life experience – her humanity - prior to the Annunciation;
shrouding her own agency in responding to God’s call through Gabriel; her “yes”
to God inevitable; despite her bold questioning of the archangel.
This image of subservience conflicts with that of Mary as
prophet, which we encounter later in Luke’s Gospel as she sings the Magnificat
on visiting her cousin Elizabeth; words that have proven to be inspirational to
the poor and the oppressed, especially in Latin America; to whom the ‘handmaiden’
of the Lord is seen as a position of honour.
As both
Mother of God and Blessed Virgin, Mary embodies what we might call extreme role
conflict; the traditions and dogmas associated with which remain a source of
difficulty and disagreement to this day across the church. For some, the humble
handmaiden has been placed on a pedestal that is too high to reach; distancing
her from the lives of ordinary people, especially women. At the most extreme, the
‘Virgin Mother’ is seen as a slur on motherhood itself.
Ann Loades, an academic theologian who has written extensively about
Mary, suggests that rather than dismiss one or other of these seemingly
incompatible roles, we might focus on the reality that Mary embraces both. As
Mother of God and Blessed Virgin, Mary is a symbol of the wholeness that we can
all attain through the grace of God.
In our reading we notice that Joseph’s gut reaction of “no”; his
instinct for separateness; was overcome - healed – by the “yes” of God’s grace.
After the appearance of the angel, Joseph’s seemingly incompatible roles as
both Mary’s fiancé and righteous and observant member of the Jewish community,
seemed rather less incompatible after all.
Being open to the grace of God had changed his perspective – as it
changes ours.
As we continue to be confronted by situations in which the
different roles we fulfil in our lives overlap; as we face role conflict caused
by seemingly incompatible expectations from ourselves, those around us, or from
society at large; may we be strengthened by the example of Mary, whose birth we
celebrate this week. May we be reassured in the knowledge that it is not only
possible to hold these seemingly divergent parts of our lives together – but that
this is what God desires – and enables – through his grace.
In Mary, as Ann Loades reminds us, we see that “grace is not faceless”.
Prayers
Gracious
God,
help us to learn to hear your voice, especially at times when we
are facing seemingly conflicting demands on our lives.
We hold before you in prayer all those who are struggling with
role conflict,
those finding it difficult to balance work and home life;
and all who are on a journey to find their true identity.
Inspired
by the vision of the Blessed Virgin Mary may we learn not to limit our
understanding of ourselves and others by our different roles in life but to
accept the wholeness of each person that you have created; to see your grace in
the face of all.
In the name of your Son, our Saviour, Jesus Christ,
Amen.
Thank you
for joining us for this week’s Start Stop reflection. Please keep a check
on our website for events and services in church. Start:Stop returns again online
next week.
Links
Image : The Virgin Spanking The Christ Child - Max Ernst (1926)
Images of Mary - Notes of a lecture given by The Very Reverend Jeffrey John at Southwark Cathedral, September 2019.
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